Hurt
by maxandkiz
Summary: While at Rossi's place, the team discusses Reid's feelings upon Emily's return and his reasons for feeling that way. Set at the end of Proof but with Reid not attending the cooking lesson. Contains the whole team.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds and all its characters belong to CBS. I own nothing. Feel free to read and review, but please don't copy.

AN- I re-watched Proof this morning and I was once again struck with the way JJ and Emily treated Reid. Instead of understanding his anger and his hurt they responded with anger, disgusting low blows, and guilt trips. I hadn't planned on writing anything for this episode but after seeing it again, I just couldn't help myself. Someone needed to explain Reid's point of view to the ladies because they just didn't get it. I just hope I do it justice.

Oh, and I changed the end of the episode. Reid didn't show up at Rossi's in this one. 

CM 

Once the last of the BAU sat down with their plate of homemade Italian cuisine, Rossi raised his wine glass. "And now we eat." He announced.

Garcia wasted no time scooping up some pancetta. "Oh" she groaned. "This is simply heavenly!"

"Yeah, this is one of the best meals I've ever had!" Morgan agreed. "With the exception of my mom's cooking that is."

Hotch nodded. "My compliments to the chefs" he praised.

"We did do a good job, didn't we?" Penelope commented.

"That we did mama." Morgan replied.

"Food always tastes better when prepared with your family." Rossi told them.

Emily huffed. "It's too bad all our family didn't see fit to be here."

JJ patted Emily's hand. "Spence will come around, Em." She assured her friend. "He just has to finish pitching his little temper tantrum first. I swear he's acting just like Henry when he doesn't get his…"

"Alright, that's it! I have had it!" Dave angrily stated, throwing his napkin on the table. Kicking his chair back, he stood and glared at the women. "I have sat back and held my tongue while you two went at that boy but I refuse to do that any longer!"

"Dave"

"No Aaron, they need to hear this." Rossi barked. "And so do you if you thought a simple get together would make everything right again."

"Rossi man" Morgan began. One look from the angry Italian swiftly shut him up though.

Dave planted his hands on either side of his plate and stared at his stunned audience. "You know, I always thought women dealt better with emotions and the whole hurt, comfort thing. My wives certainly did. And JJ you used to be a master of it. Your ability to understand and sympathize with victims' families is one of the things that makes you so good at what you do. But you've turned it off where Reid is concerned. You and Emily both have."

"But"

"Don't interrupt kitten." Rossi scolded before turning back to the targets of his rage. "Emily, you sat on the plane last night and not only attempted to guilt trip Reid into doing what you wanted but you also belittled his pain and you lied to him…again."

"I didn't…"

"Yes you did! You told him that he only mourned the loss of one friend while you mourned the loss of six! But that isn't exactly true, is it Cheetobreath?" Dave growled as he rounded on JJ. "And you! Some of the first words out of your mouth to him was that he was angry because your acting was so good that he hadn't noticed you were lying. The kid took a sabbatical after the funeral; he came to you for comfort for weeks after Emily's death. He was clearly devastated by what happened and you were the one he trusted to help him through it. You were the one that sat there night after night and lied through your ass to him and that's what comes out of your mouth. And before you say it I know you had to keep that secret. And I get it, I do. However, that doesn't give you the right to jump on Reid for feeling angry or hurt or betrayed. And it certainly doesn't give you the right to trivialize it or him."

"That's enough Dave" Hotch sternly told the furious man.

"It's not nearly enough and you know it." Rossi countered. "You've all just brushed his feelings off with a 'oh he's just angry. He'll get over it.' comment. Not one of you even bothered to honestly talk with him about what he was feeling. Not even you Aaron. You told me you took Morgan aside to see how he was faring after the big reveal but you didn't even think about doing that with Reid."

"I had a conversation with Morgan because…"

"Trust is a big deal to him. I know." Dave broke in. "But I also know Morgan is not the only one of this family who has trust issues. Reid does, too. He doesn't trust people easily. He'll be nice and tolerate you and even work closely with you but he doesn't just trust you. You have to earn that trust. Think about how long it took him to really accept Prentiss, Seaver, and myself. Now I'm pretty sure we all know that part of Reid's trust issues stem from his childhood. After his father left and maybe even before, he had to be extremely careful about what he said and did. He couldn't trust anyone for fear of them alerting CPS to his situation. But while that is a huge part of his reluctance to trust people, I get the feeling there is more to it than that."

"There is." Derek informed the group.

"What?" Garcia questioned. "What happened to hurt my Junior G-Man?"

"That's not my story to tell." Morgan replied, grimacing at the thought of that horrible event. "Suffice it to say the bullying he endured went above and beyond anything we ever saw or went through in high school."

Penelope's hand flew to her mouth. "You don't mean…my little genius wasn't, wasn't…"

"No Baby Girl, nothing like that." Derek swiftly answered. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "At least I don't think so."

Rossi frowned, wondering just what the younger agent was referring to. Shoving thoughts of what could have happened to a child Reid to the back of his mind, the senior profiler glanced at each member of his family in turn. "Now are you beginning to understand?" he gruffly asked. "Yes, he's angry and with good reason. But he's also so very hurt. You did the worst thing you could to him; you broke his trust." He scolded. He held up a hand to prevent Hotch from speaking. "And another thing. We are his friends. We're probably some of the first and only true friends he's ever had. Having a close friend lie to you is bad enough but when said friend attacks or belittles you for being angry about it, it becomes even worse. I bet all of us can think of a time a close childhood friend or maybe a family member lied about something important to us and then yelled at us for having the audacity to be mad when their secret was revealed. And I can guarantee we all remember how that felt."

"You're right…about everything." Morgan responded, drawing the other's attention. "Hotch, you took the time to talk to me and I respect you for that. I'm not saying that it doesn't still hurt cause it does but that simple gesture went a long way to healing that hurt. But did you even think to do that with Reid?" He looked at the co-conspirators. "Did any of you think to talk with him, really talk with him to see what he was feeling and why? Or did you just say you're sorry and when he didn't accept that, chew him out for feeling that way?"

"Guys, there's something we're forgetting." Garcia stated. She waited for everyone to look her way before continuing. "Emily was the first person close to him that died. I mean, yeah he lost his dad and Gideon and in a way he lost his mom but they are still alive. And he did have an uncle and a friend die but he was just a little child when those happened. Em is the first friend, the first family member he's lost to death. Think about that for a minute. Then think about the first person close to you that died. Think about how you felt and then think about how you would have felt if that person had come back seven months later and the people around you, the ones you trusted, told you it had all been a lie." She paused a moment and then added, "It's not a good feeling, is it?"

JJ shook her head. "No, I guess not." She admitted. Her pitying expression quickly morphed into a scowl. "But that still doesn't give him the right to…"

"He has every right to be hurt and angry and anything else!" Dave bellowed, slamming his hand on the table to punctuate his statement. He glared at the speaker as he ran a hand across his goatee. "You know what? I'm done. Finish and clean up your mess." He ordered as he headed for the door. "And lock up when you leave. I have a kid out there that needs me." With that, Rossi walked out the door. 

AN- Just so you know I don't hate JJ. But that remark she made about him being angry because he hadn't been able to see through her and Hotch's deception flew all over me as did Emily's guilt trip and her belittling him for mourning only one friend.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds and all its characters belong to CBS. I own nothing. Feel free to read and review, but please don't copy.

AN- I had several requests for a second chapter with Rossi talking to Reid. I know it's taken a while but I finally got it written. I don't think it's as good as the original chapter but I did the best I could. 

CM 

"Is this seat taken?"

The minute tense of Reid's shoulders was the only indication he'd heard the request.

Rossi wasn't the least bit bothered by the boy's reaction or lack thereof. He'd expected it. Ignoring the slight, the older man slid into the chair opposite his unwilling companion. He glanced from the barely touched mug of coffee to the angry expression on Reid's face and then to the squinted eyes that were glued to a spot in the book he was using to shield himself before speaking. "Little early to be hitting the hard stuff, isn't it?"

Reid's sighed. "What are you doing here, Rossi?" he wearily asked. "Aren't you supposed to be hosting a party or something?"

"A cooking lesson actually" Dave corrected. "And I was. But I'm afraid I had to cut it short."

Reid's brow furrowed. "Let me guess. They sent you to find me and drag me to the team get together."

"No, I kicked them out." Rossi stated.

That made Reid look up. "You kicked them out?!" he gasped. "Why?"

Rossi offered his friend a sad smile. "Because I didn't appreciate the way two certain ladies were talking about a friend of mine."

Reid scowled.

"And because I wanted to check on you; make sure you were alright." Dave added.

Reid's scowl deepened. "Well, you've seen me and I'm fine so you can go home now."

Rossi shook his head. "Not yet" he replied. "Not until I say what I came to say."

Spencer set his book down. "Fine" he grumbled. "What is it you have to say?"

"I'm sorry" Dave sincerely apologized.

Reid cocked his head to one side and stared quizzically at his friend. "What are you sorry for?" he inquired. "You didn't do anything."

"And that's why I'm sorry kid. I didn't do a thing. I sat back and waited for Hotch to ensure everyone was faring alright after that staggering revelation." Dave explained. "I didn't do what my heart and mind were screaming at me to do; which was pull you, Morgan, and Garcia aside and talk with each of you about how you were dealing. I just assumed Aaron would handle it."

"Hotch did have discussions…with Morgan." Spencer replied. He dropped his gaze to the coffee mug in his hands and began slowly turning it.

Rossi remained silent giving the young man time to compose his thoughts.

After a few minutes, Reid let out a resigned sigh. "Why is it when Morgan stomps around angry and growls at everyone, people back off and give him space or attempt to talk with him about what's making him angry but when I do it, those same people put it down to me having a temper tantrum?" he softly questioned, keeping his attention on the spinning mug.

"I think a lot of that has to do with your age. You were so young when Jason brought you on the team; both in mind and body." Dave reasoned. "From what I've been told many of your actions and interactions with the team were more childlike. And Jason being your mentor didn't help. With the two of you being so close you looked and acted more like father and son than colleagues."

Reid shook his head. "But that was a long time ago. I'm not that scared young man anymore." He pointed out.

"I know." Rossi assured him. "But you know as well as I do how hard it is to change people's minds about you. The others know you're an adult. They've watched you grown into a confident young man. However, when they look at you a part of them still sees the scared youngster you were. And unfortunately that's the part that tends to win out."

"But"

"But that's no excuse." Dave finished. "I agree and I told them as much."

"You did?" Spencer asked, surprise coloring his voice.

"I did." Rossi responded. "I also told them that you had every right to be angry. And that the way we were treating you was unacceptable."

"We? But you and Morgan and Garcia didn't do anything" Reid protested, looking across the table at his friend.

"Yes we did." Dave countered. "None of us took up for you when JJ and Emily had at you. We didn't say a word when it was happening or after the fact. Hell, we didn't even think to talk to you about how you were feeling about the whole thing. We just left you swinging in the wind."

"I didn't expect you three to talk to me." Spencer told the older man.

"Yeah, well you should have." Dave tossed back. Catching the skeptical expression that flashed across Reid's face, the frustrated man ran a hand across his goatee. "Our BAU team is a family, Reid and family members take care of one another. You know that. You're always one of the first to come to one of us and ask what's wrong."

"I know what it's like to be upset and need someone to talk to. When I was little, I desperately wished for a sibling or a friend I could tell my troubles to." Spencer revealed. "Of course I wasn't that lucky. I was left to handle all the despair and hurt and anger and fear as best I could. The feeling that nobody cares is one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced. So I promised myself that if I ever made a friend, I'd never let them feel that way."

"And you haven't." Dave stated. "And I'd like to extend the same invitation to you. I know I'm a little late but I really would like to discuss your feelings about Emily's return with you."

Reid's gaze dropped to the mug he was toying with. "I, I don't know if I'm ready to." He stammered.

"Try for me kiddo" Dave urged. "Come on. I know you're seething about all the lying and JJ and Emily's blasé attitude towards you. Let it out Spencer. Go ahead and let it all out. I'm listening." The senior profiler watched the younger man wage an internal battle with himself. The boy was practically biting his lip bloody as he attempted to decide whether or not to talk. Knowing Reid was right on the brink, Dave gave him one last push. "Come on kid. What's going on in that big brain of yours? Are you angry with Emily for coming back?"

"Of course I'm angry at Emily!" Reid ground out. "She abandons us and then saunters back into our lives and expects us to just take up where we left off just like my dad!" Spencer wrapped his arms around himself. "And, and when I can't do that, she has the nerve to lecture me about how I was only mourning one friend while she was mourning six!"

"That wasn't a nice thing to say." Rossi agreed.

"And it wasn't true either not really" Reid growled. "Yes, she probably missed us and she couldn't chance contacting any of us but that is entirely different from mourning. Mourning implies that the person is deceased; that you'll never see or hear from them again. Emily not only knew we were alive and well but she also had the expectation that sometime in the future she would be able to come home and see us again. Besides, she was able to see and hear about us on the internet and through the oh so helpful cheetobreath."

"Ah yes the ever helpful JJ" Rossi remarked.

"Yeah helpful" Spencer scoffed. "She was really helpful when she sat there all those nights lying to my face." He shook his head at Rossi. "I know okay! I know she had to keep the secret! That doesn't make it any easier to take!" Spencer quickly deflated. Tightening his self-hug, he closed his eyes. "Do you know JJ was the first woman to ever like me for me and not my brain besides my mother? She was the first lady I trusted; really trusted. She was like a best friend and a big sister all rolled into one. She was the one person I thought would never lie to me. Hotch, he's our boss. There are always things he keeps to himself. And not just about work. He's not all that forthcoming about his personal life either. He never talked with any of us during the whole Foyet situation no matter how many times one of us attempted to help him. Hotch keeping secrets is no surprise. Emily was always pretty closed mouth, too. We all knew she had something bad in her past that she wasn't ready to talk about. She didn't even tell us about Doyle until she absolutely had to. But JJ; she was different. She never kept things from me. And she most certainly didn't belittle me. She wouldn't let anyone else speak ill about me either."

"I take it you're more upset about her comments to you than you are about her lying about Emily." Rossi surmised.

Reid nodded. "Don't get me wrong. I'm still extremely angry about the lies but that at least she had a valid reason for that. Her personal attack on me is a different story. There was absolutely no reason for her to do that; none."

"I agree." Dave told him. "The question is can you get past it?"

"I, I don't know." Spencer honestly answered. "The lying I could come to terms with given time. Her comments on the other hand…"

Rossi sighed. He'd figured as much. He wasn't sure he would have been able to get past the profiling remark either. Still… "All we can ask is that you try son." he told Reid. "Look I know you are angry and hurt and you have every right to be. The rest of us are, too. And we all have the right to be angry and hurt for as long as we need to be. Don't let anyone tell you any different either."

"I won't." Reid promised. "Just don't expect my feelings to change overnight; not after that confrontation with JJ."

Thinking of that argument reminded Rossi of something else. "Can I ask you something, Reid?" he inquired.

Spencer warily eyed his friend. "I guess." He replied with a shrug.

"Did you mean what you said about the Dilaudid?" Dave questioned.

Spencer dropped his gaze to the table. "Yes" he answered. "I, I thought about it more times than I care to remember. I made it as far as my door a few times before stopping myself. I'd think about Emily and the way I treated her while I was using and how I knew she wouldn't want me to, to go down that road again. And then I'd either shut the door, pick up the phone, and call JJ or I'd head over to JJ and Will's."

Dave closed his eyes. That was what he'd been afraid of. Then again it would be worse if… "Are the cravings still there?" he queried.

Shoulders slumped Reid sunk lower in his chair. "There have been a few since Emily came back." he honestly responded.

'Great' Rossi thought. Keeping his expression neutral, he nodded. "I want you to promise me something kid." He said. "The next time you feel the urge you come talk to me. I don't care where we are or what's happening at the time. You come to me immediately. Got it?"

"Got it." Spencer replied, gracing the man with a slight smile.

Dave returned the boy's grin with one of his own. "Good, now what do you say we get outta here and go someplace nicer like my mansion?"

Spencer frowned. "I don't know." He hedged.

"The others are long gone by now." Rossi assured. "Come on, what do you say? We could have that cooking lesson. There's more than enough food for the two of us and I have it on good authority that there is a Dr. Who marathon starting tonight. What do you say, Reid? I teach you to cook an Italian meal and you teach me about the good doctor?"

Spencer smiled. "I think I'd like that."

"Well then get a move on, kid!" Dave exclaimed as he stood. He pulled out his wallet and tossed a few bills on the table. "Time's a wasting!"

Chuckling, Spencer followed his friend out of the café. Climbing into Rossi's car, he felt lighter than he had in months. Dave's simple act of reaching out to him had him over the moon. And the fact that Rossi not only understood but validated his feelings meant more to him than words could ever express. Reid fastened his seat belt and settled in for the ride to Rossi's mansion. One of his friends was in his corner and right this moment that's all that mattered.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds and all its characters belong to CBS. I own nothing. I do not own anything you recognize.

AN- I had several reviewers who didn't think Emily was belittling Reid's pain when she made the remark about mourning 6 friends as opposed to his one; that their pain was the same. Let me show you the difference.

My aunt has been in the nursing home for over a year now. She had no phone there and I didn't have the money to go visit her. I've had monthly updates about her from another aunt that lived there. (sounding familiar) I've really missed her. I was saving up the money to go see her. My aunt died April 1 (not an April Fool's joke). I've gone from missing her to grieving for her. While before I had the hope of seeing her again, now I'm left with knowing I will never see or speak to her again on this Earth. I can honestly say missing someone dear to you and grieving that person are two totally different feelings. They are nowhere close to the same thing. 

Previously on Criminal Minds- Reid fastened his seat belt and settled in for the ride to Rossi's mansion. One of his friends was in his corner and right this moment that's all that mattered. 

CM 

Reid wearily let himself into his apartment. He shut and locked the door behind him and dropped his keys in the metal tray on top of the shelf next to the door. The young man toed off his shoes and then turned and started shuffling towards his bedroom. After spending the evening baring his soul to Rossi, he wanted nothing more than to sleep for a week. Spencer peeled out his jacket and threw it in the general direction of his couch as he went by. Yawning, he fought to keep his eyes open as he inched towards his waiting bed. He'd almost made it to the hallway when a knock on the door stopped him in his tracks.

Groaning, Reid turned and made the trek back to his door. Glancing through the peephole, he let out a sigh. Standing outside his door was one of the last people he wanted to see. He didn't have the energy to deal with her now. In the state he was in, he was more likely to break down and cry than confront her. The exhausted man leaned against the door while he thought over his options. He could just ignore the knocking and go to bed; talk with her in the morning. That wasn't really an option though. She would keep knocking until either he opened the door and let her in or she woke up everyone in the building. Which only left one thing for him to do. Taking a deep breath, Spencer stood and opened the door. "What is it?" he snapped.

"Well, hello to you, too Handsome" Emily greeted with a smile. Seeing the expression on her friend's face, she let out a sigh. Dropping the smile, she said, "I came to talk to you."

"It's late, Emily." Reid commented.

"I know but I couldn't rest until I made this right." Prentiss told him.

"Prentiss"

"Just hear me out okay" Emily pleaded. "Let me say my piece and then I'll leave if that's what you want. Promise."

Spencer thought for a minute before nodding his head. "Fine" he agreed. He opened the door so his friend could enter. Once she walked past him, he closed and locked the door. He then followed her to the couch and, after picking up his discarded jacket and setting it on the arm of the sofa, sat down. "What is it you have to tell me that just couldn't wait until morning?"

"I'm sorry." Emily apologized. "I'm sorry about the way things went down with Doyle and about not talking to you and the rest of the team about the danger until it was too late. I'm sorry for having to leave you and make you think I had died. And most of all I'm sorry for hurting you with what I did and said."

Reid nodded but said nothing.

Prentiss let out a sigh before continuing. "I've been doing a lot of thinking since Rossi kicked us out of his mansion and I realized I'd been unfair to you on the jet on the way home. I never should have tried to guilt trip you into coming to the cooking lesson." She explained. "I was just…I was upset that you were angry with me and I couldn't stand it. And I thought if you came to the cooking lesson, we'd be able to talk everything out so I said the first thing that came into my mind that I thought might convince you." She paused for a moment to get her emotions under control. "But it was wrong of me to say that. The pain of missing you guys was nothing compared to what the pain of losing just one of you would be."

"You're right. They're not the same; not even close." Spencer muttered.

"I know and I'm so sorry I made it sound like my pain was worse than yours." Emily said, taking one of Reid's hands in her own. "I just needed you guys with me after all those months apart. And I was a little taken back that you were mad. I mean, I expected Morgan to be pissed at me. Anger is always his go to emotion. But you…I don't think I've seen you truly angry at one of us except for the Owen Savage case. I guess I expected you to be happy like Pen was and when you weren't, I didn't know how to handle it." She stopped and looked her friend straight in the eye. "I know that apologizing doesn't make everything right and that you're still probably really ticked with me. And I want you to know, that's okay. You have the right to be pissed at me for as long as you need to. I just hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me and we can start our friendship over."

Seeing the tears gathering in his strong friend's eyes was too much for the exhausted man. The tears he'd been fighting since she'd started talking began streaming down his face. "I'm trying, Emily. I really am. I just…I don't know if I can get past this." He confided.

Emily took his head in her hands and gently thumbed away his tears. "All I ask is that you try, Handsome" she whispered before kissing his forehead. "I'm going to leave now so you can get some sleep." She lovingly palmed his cheek and then stood and walked to the door. Stopping at the doorway, she looked back at the upset young man. "I want you to know one thing: I will always love you like a brother no matter what you decide." With that, she turned and walked out the door.

Reid stared after her for several minutes. That was not the conversation he had been expecting when he opened the door. Wiping his face with the back of his hand, he got up and trudged over to the window. He watched her walk to her car, get into it, and drive off before shuffling over to the door and locking it. Fisting his eyes, he started for his bedroom once more. He had a lot to think about.


End file.
